Welcome friends,
thank-you for visiting.
Grab a cup of tea, if you have a moment. Maybe this feels like you, too?
Truthfully I have this sense that I came into the world without an anchor – like I really didn’t belong here. This feeling stayed with me for a long time. It stayed with me all the way through my young adult years when it got louder and louder until it felt like almost too much to bear.
In simple terms, I felt extraordinarily out of place, like I was not at all equipped to be a member of the ‘team’ here.
Even though I had a supportive family and the basic ‘right’ conditions to root and grow as a human, I just couldn’t shake this deep heartache I constantly felt.
It was an all-pervasive feeling of longing, like something was profoundly missing from my life. It was a feeling of loneliness wrapped up in a feeling of abandonment. It was all these tangled up emotions that I could never fully explain or pinpoint. Nonetheless they were there – and I felt like I was drowning in them.
Being in the world felt extremely tenuous. And this chronic deep-to-my-bones sadness followed me everywhere I went from a very young age. It followed me to school, gym class, the dinner table, sleepovers, extracurriculars, my bedroom at night while falling asleep...
I felt light years away from others – and from all of life — like I was a distant participant in everything I did. I couldn’t understand how everyone else seemed to be getting along. Were they not feeling the same things I was feeling?
Were they not feeling the same emptiness and despair?
Looking back I can see that it wasn’t just a feeling of being apart from something outside of myself. It also seeped into my experience of life on the inside. I felt miles apart from me.
Who was I even? And what was my purpose, my reason for being here?
I sure as heck didn’t feel like I amounted to much.
Nothing made sense to me. Nothing held any true meaning. It felt as if there was no safe place to land. No place to call home. Not anywhere — not with anyone. Certainly not with myself.
Life felt incredibly raw. I felt like I experienced everything – every feeling – so intensely. Mostly I saw myself as incapable of handling things, large or small. Every task that life required of me created such a deep surge of anxiety within. I felt like a nervous, discombobulated wreck most of the time.
Over the years I judged myself harshly for the way I was. I criticized myself for being too sensitive, too fragile, too exposed, too emotional. I told myself that living this way was wrong – that it was flawed – that I was flawed.
I kept telling myself I’d better fix it – I’d better get a thicker skin, or I’d be in trouble. There was such a deep feeling of unworthiness in me that I was in constant battle with. And it was winning, in a major way.
But I couldn’t see a way out. I couldn’t see another option. It wasn’t as if I could just flip a switch and be different, as much as I so often wished I could.
It was a few months into my first year of university when it all came crashing down. That’s when I finally gave up. I resigned myself to the fact that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep struggling this way. So I dropped out. I checked out – literally. I went back home to my parents and straight to bed – for several months.
This was the beginning of many dark yet ultimately transformative years for me.
My dark night of the soul.
It felt like I spent more time asleep than awake during that time. Being awake meant having to feel, and I just couldn’t carry the weight of those feelings anymore, so back to sleep I would go. At least when I was asleep, I could numb it out. I could slip away into nothingness.
I remember a successful day when after several weeks in bed my mom managed to get me out of the house for a walk around the block. It felt like I was sleep-walking — like I was in a dream. I felt like a ghost in my own life…
But a sliver of light did eventually reach me during that time.
The light initially came to me in the form of a spiritual psychologist who slowly, gently introduced me to the world of spirit and to my inner spiritual realms. It was like turning on a small flashlight in a deep, dark cave.
She helped me to see that my struggle with my mental health wasn’t really a mental health issue or crisis, it was fundamentally a spiritual one.
I was in the midst of a spiritual health crisis.
I was suffering because I had forgotten who I was.
I was suffering because I was living out of my head and not connecting in with the deeper truth of me.
I was suffering because I had become estranged from my Soul, my Spirit, my higher Divine Self, and that was at the root of it all.
All the pain I felt – all the sadness, the separation, the disconnect, the longing – was actually a deeper call to come home to my true nature. It was the ‘ringing of the bells’, so to speak, calling me back to Spirit.
This was a HUGE turning point for me in my life.
Just knowing on some level there was more to life and to myself then what I was painfully accustomed to seeing and feeling, gave me hope.
It sparked something inside – and my life began to shift.
The more I opened up to spiritual energy, the more I felt supported in a way that I had never felt before.
And the more my intuitive gifts began to emerge.
Slowly but surely there was this quiet inner space arising within me, and I could access it whenever I needed to. It felt like a calm oasis in my stormy world. It was what I now call, my ‘Inner Sanctuary’. It was a place beyond thought — beyond all the commotion of this physical reality. It was a place of deep rest and replenishment. It was a place where I could just be.
Over time I started to feel a subtle yet profound connection to something larger than myself. I felt held by a loving, grounding, wise, all encompassing energy. This was deeply nourishing to my thirsty heart. This felt like the anchor I had been searching for my whole life – the missing link.
And it brought me such deep peace.
But it wasn’t like my life suddenly and dramatically transformed when I began waking up to Spirit. I didn’t have an immediate awakening or anything. I didn’t instantly ‘get happy’ and find ‘my place’, or my sense of purpose in the world.
(a mentor of mine once said there are no ‘short cuts’ or ‘quick fixes’ on the spiritual path, which I wholeheartedly agree with.)
No, this was a long process. This was a slow, winding, often messy uncovering. A ‘one step forward, two steps back’ kind of thing. I still struggled a lot. I still ‘fell off the path’. I still doubted myself, regularly. I still do sometimes.
But what I noticed was that as the ‘stuff’ of life continued to happen, it felt like there was more space around it. It was like I had more of a cushion inside. I noticed I wasn’t as swept away by my emotions. There was a new, subtle awareness that had opened up in me that could softly contain my experience – that wasn’t caught up in it – that could hold and support my sensitivity, and help steer me in the right direction.
I can see now it was my Spirit beginning to take the reins of my life. Yes, my deeper intuitive self was beginning to blossom. And I felt clearer and stronger than ever before.
Now, for the first time in my life I felt like I had landed somewhere, and that I belonged. I belonged to my Self, I belonged to my Spirit. I had finally found what I had been looking for all along — and it was within me.
And for the first time in my life I could see that my sensitivity was actually my greatest strength, and not a flaw or weakness. I could see that it was a beacon that could help light the way for others, and that it was actually a big part of my life’s mission and the gifts I’m here to share.
I learned that I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP), with a high degree of emotional intelligence. I learned that I am highly intuitive, and I am also an empath — and this makes me attuned to people and to life, in a rather unique and subtle way. (As sensitives + empaths, we feel it ALL — which is a big part of our gift!!)
I saw that I wasn’t afraid of other’s emotional pain and struggle. In fact that’s where I felt I shined the brightest. I was a spiritual anchor, an empathic presence, an intuitive guide for people in times of confusion, pain, darkness, and transformation. I met people wherever they were at and supported them through it.
As I’ve grown in my awareness I’ve learned that my sensitivity is part of a much greater constellation of spiritual energy that I have the ability of tapping into—to receive intuitive guidance and messages for others.
I feel so very blessed, and honoured, to do this work of supporting others on their journey home to Spirit.
THank-you for being here.
We Are living in an extraordinary time.
A time where we are being called back to spirit, to the sacred. to our roots.
to remembering who we really are.
come join me in the remembering…